Everyday I walk into the lab, there's this unreasonably cheerful chicken on a poster, trying to sell me on bullet points that will help me have a "happy day". Why a chicken? Are they the happiest and wisest of poultry? Do they think they know more about productivity and happiness than other farm animals simply because they wake up at dawn and have the self-awareness to question their motives to cross the road? And can I have some for dinner tonight??
I've always found inspirational posters and lists aggravating; it isn't simply not-this-crap-again annoying, but cat-claws-on-chalkboard annoying. Admittedly, this stems from my inability to turn off the "spelling and grammar check" area of my concious brain, but that merits its own post. Is anyone actually motivated by these posters? And if that's all it takes to inpire them to action, I'm just glad there's no song and dance routine involved. The recurring theme seems to be to help the reader become more "productive", which reminded me of the tiresome "7 habits of highly effective people". Highly effective pains-in-the-[anatomical region of choice] for sure. (and no, I did not read the entire thing, mostly because there were no illustrations and I'm definitely not their target audience). So, from extensive practical experience and a penchant for mining the internet for spoofs, I found:
7 habits of highly ineffective people:
1) Procrastination
The bread and butter of counter-productivity. It is no longer enough to simply avoid working. Step up your game, get creative, find joy in every little avoidance tactic, and you will soon find yourself drawing others into this delightful cycle.
2) The planning fallacy
A lack of planning on your part should translate into a monumental code red emergency for everyone else. That's the only way you'll get them to do your work for you.
3) Texting while working/walking/talking/eating
Because you should never procrastinate when it comes to texting. Like, ever.
4) Checking email too much
You never know what little gifts the universe might chuck your way. Maybe the universe has an email account.
5) Relativity in salary
No matter how much money you make, there's always someone who makes more than you but works half as much. If that isn't enough to make you want to give up working, you shouldn't be reading this list.
6) Over-optimism
"Meh i'll do it tomorrow". Repeat this in your mind every time you feel the urge to do something productive.
Put that on a poster, and lie in wait to pepper-spray the guy who writes in point number seven.
I've always found inspirational posters and lists aggravating; it isn't simply not-this-crap-again annoying, but cat-claws-on-chalkboard annoying. Admittedly, this stems from my inability to turn off the "spelling and grammar check" area of my concious brain, but that merits its own post. Is anyone actually motivated by these posters? And if that's all it takes to inpire them to action, I'm just glad there's no song and dance routine involved. The recurring theme seems to be to help the reader become more "productive", which reminded me of the tiresome "7 habits of highly effective people". Highly effective pains-in-the-[anatomical region of choice] for sure. (and no, I did not read the entire thing, mostly because there were no illustrations and I'm definitely not their target audience). So, from extensive practical experience and a penchant for mining the internet for spoofs, I found:
7 habits of highly ineffective people:
1) Procrastination
The bread and butter of counter-productivity. It is no longer enough to simply avoid working. Step up your game, get creative, find joy in every little avoidance tactic, and you will soon find yourself drawing others into this delightful cycle.
2) The planning fallacy
A lack of planning on your part should translate into a monumental code red emergency for everyone else. That's the only way you'll get them to do your work for you.
3) Texting while working/walking/talking/eating
Because you should never procrastinate when it comes to texting. Like, ever.
4) Checking email too much
You never know what little gifts the universe might chuck your way. Maybe the universe has an email account.
5) Relativity in salary
No matter how much money you make, there's always someone who makes more than you but works half as much. If that isn't enough to make you want to give up working, you shouldn't be reading this list.
6) Over-optimism
"Meh i'll do it tomorrow". Repeat this in your mind every time you feel the urge to do something productive.
Put that on a poster, and lie in wait to pepper-spray the guy who writes in point number seven.
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